Half the Story Hidden
by Loveedith
Summary: Spoiler warning, season 4! **A story about changing what you can change and accepting what you can't change. And about knowing the difference between the two. ** Set after 4:8 but before the 2013 CS. AU after CS. Edith has moved on from Anthony. She loves Michael Gregson. He is gone and she needs to do all she can to save her baby...
1. Granny

"One way or another, everyone goes down the aisle with half the story hidden." Lady Violet Crawley.

...

"Edith, my dear, there is something I want to tell you."

Edith didn't know what she expected it to be. Probably some reproach for how stupid she had been to get herself in the family way. Her granny had summoned her to her house for tea, and she was happy to get away from Downton and all the risks of a disclosure there. Enough people knew about her predicament as it was.

So the next thing her granny said came as a total surprise to Edith.

"I once had to give up a child. And I have regretted it ever since."

Edith was stunned. What was this?

"It was before I married your grandfather, although I had met him and was seeing him from time to time. But I saw other men also, I was only twenty-one and I loved to have fun. So I met this man, who was already married. I didn't know anything about love at the time, not of the physical side of it, but he sure did..."

Violet was lost in thought for quite a while. She was smiling in a way that Edith found slightly disturbing.

So Edith didn't know what to say about it all. Her granny? Surely not?

"I only tell you this because I don't want you to make the same mistake. I didn't want to say it in front of Rosamund, but if you want this baby, we must find a way for you to keep it. This whole idea about going to Switzerland...Well that's where I went. I gave my child away to be adopted by some locals there. It is probably better at yodeling than at speaking English by now."

She was quiet for quite some time again.

"It was a little boy. The older brother of your father and your aunt. Though none of them will ever know about each other. I'm telling you this because you need to know, but you must promise you won't tell anyone else. I gave that child up because my mother insisted upon it, but I wasn't forced to do it. I just wanted so badly to become the Countess of Grantham."

Edith didn't know what to say. But she knew now that she had her granny's support if she would insist in keeping her baby.

And Lady Violet was a powerful ally to have.

...

An: Just an idea I got from watching the spoilers for 4:8. I haven't watched the actual program, so I may have got some things wrong.

Violet said those words about half the story when she heard that Mary insisted on telling Matthew about Pamuk.

And, as my signature says, I do love Edith!


	2. Tom

Two days later Edith was invited to her granny again. But this time her granny wasn't alone. Tom Branson rose from his seat and smiled at Edith when she entered the parlour.

"So you have told Tom my secret?" Edith was very upset. "Oh, granny, how could you?"

"I haven't told him anything, only invited him to tea", Violet said. "But I think _you_ should tell him. Because he will be able to help you. And I won't insult your intelligence by telling you how."

Edith looked apologetically at Tom. She knew what granny wanted them to do, but it was impossible, wasn't it? This was Sybil's husband. Her own brother-in-law. The father of her lovely little niece.

On the other hand, Edith could see her grandmother's point. Edith's only chance of keeping her child, at least her only chance to do it openly, was to get married.

She looked at Tom again. He smiled back at her. He was a nice and friendly man, he would probably not be difficult to live with. He had been very patient with her when he taught her how to drive a car. And if marriage wasn't possible he would at least be good at keeping her secret. Which had to be dealt with soon anyway, in one way or another. So she might as well tell him.

"I'm expecting a child", Edith blurted out, before she had time to change her mind. "Michael Gregson is the father. I'm sure you know that he has disappeared, but perhaps you didn't know that he is already married."

...

Both Tom and Edith argued that it was impossible for them to marry each other. That it could be a marriage in name only, if at all. That they didn't love each other, not in that way, only as friends.

Tom loved Sybil. He could never love anyone else the way he had loved her.

Edith loved Michael, or at least she thought so. If he had an extremely good excuse for disappearing like that. Being murdered, for example.

"Oh, for heaven's sake", Violet exclaimed. "There have been arranged marriages in all ages! People have been able to sleep together and make children in spite of that. For example that American woman, the one who married the Duke of Marlborough. They had two sons to prove that their marriage had been consummated. But they got a divorce, even wanting to have their marriage annulled. Making bastards of their own children..."

She thought for a moment.

"If you can't get the one you love, you can love the one you get! The human body isn't made for loneliness, I'm sure you know that by now, Edith..."

Tom was thinking it all over again. This was really difficult. He understood how hard all this must be for Edith.

"I'm sure Sybil would have wanted me to help you, Edith", he said at last. "She loved her sisters. But I wish there was another way..."

"Well, there isn't", Violet said, leaving no more room for discussion. "At least none that I can think of."

...

So it was decided. Tom Branson was to marry Edith Crawley and claim her child as his own. It would give little Sybbie a stepmother who really loved her, and the world around them a little less to gossip about. People would of course notice that Edith's child was born much too early after the wedding, but at least that would be a whole lot better for it than to be born without any father at all.

...

AN: I got the idea for this chapter from a promotion picture for the coming Christmas special. Tom holds his hand on Edith's shoulder, in the protective way of a husband.

Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind comments!


	3. The Swiss Uncle

The next afternoon Edith was once again at her granny's. They were to meet there, all three of them, to draw up plans for the wedding and how to tell the rest of the family about it all.

Edith had asked Tom if they should go to her granny's together, but Tom had some business to attend to before. So they had agreed to meet there.

The whole idea of marrying Tom still felt uncomfortable to Edith. He was Sybil's husband, for heaven's sake! He was her brother! But what else could she do? She didn't have much choice, and she knew that.

Of course she regretted sleeping with Michael. But not entirely. For short moments, when she forgot about everything else, she had a strong feeling of love for the little one in her belly. Wasn't this what she had longed for all since she was a little girl, playing with dolls? To become a mother. To have a baby.

She only wished the circumstances were different, though.

She hardly even remembered what it had been like that one time with Michael. Only that she had asked him far too many times if he really loved her, both before and during and after the act. It felt a little humiliating now, even though he had answered yes most of the times.

She hardly remembered what Michael looked like by now. She hardly knew if she loved him anymore, or even if she liked him anymore. He had stood her up, she was more and more sure of that. Most likely he had played her for the fool she was and then abandoned her. He had probably only wanted to get beneath her skirts, and after that he had lost all interest.

But she knew she loved her baby. She would do anything for it.

...

Edith arrived early at her granny's place. She had wanted a chance to ask her granny a little more about her strange revelation the day before.

"What happened to that little boy you had to give up? Have you ever heard anything from him since?" Edith asked softly.

Granny shook her head, a painful look in her face.

"No, I haven't. I gave him up completely, it was all of it arranged by others. I never even saw the people who adopted him, I was only told they were descent Swiss people in their early forties, with no children of their own. Apparently the woman had pretended she was pregnant to be able to tell the neighbours that the child was theirs. I only held him in my arms for two hours, I only gave him his first meal. Then they took him from me, I was told they had hired a wet-nurse. I cried for days, and my breasts hurt something terrible. But my heart hurt worse."

Granny was quiet for a long while.

"I don't even know his name, only what year and date he was born. I think of him often, but especially I think of him every birthday, praying that he has a good life. I don't even know if he knows that he is adopted."

She was lost in thought again, very far away.

"It is funny. I know he must be a grown man by now, older than your father. But to me he is still only a little baby. And he always will be. I don't even know if he is alive or dead. At least Switzerland wasn't in the war..."

...

The time they had agreed on had passed with almost an hour, but there was no sign of Tom. Edith started to worry. Had Tom stood her up? The story of her life, that, the story of men abandoning her. Cousin Patrick, Sir Anthony, Peter Gordon, Sir Anthony again, then Michael Gregson and now Tom.

The only one who had any real excuse as far as she knew was Patrick. But she was sure he hadn't loved her anyway. None of them had, really. Not him, nor anyone else of them. No man ever had.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your comments!

After complaining that others have several stories going at the same time, making me muddle them up, I suddenly find myself with 3 unfinished stories. I'm sorry about that! Especially, I'm sorry about complaining.


	4. Wedding Plans

It was almost an hour after the agreed time when Edith and Violet finally heard a car drive up in front of the house. The tea was cold by then, so Violet asked the butler to bring a new kettle.

The subjects of conversation were long since at an end between grandmother and granddaughter. The last half hour or so Edith hadn't been able to say anything but yes or no whatever her granny talked about. Edith was feeling more and more desperate. She had started to realise that Tom was probably her last chance to keep her baby, even though the idea of a marriage to him felt very uncomfortable.

When the car drove up Edith didn't know if she felt relieved or not. Perhaps it would be better to go to Switzerland after all and have the child adopted by someone? But the thought of doing that was unbearable. She loved that little child, even if she knew next to nothing about it yet.

She just couldn't give it up. It was quite impossible.

...

When Tom entered the room he apologised for being late. The business he had been forced to attend to had taken much longer than he had anticipated.

"Well, you are here now", Lady Violet said. "That is the most important thing. Sit down and let my butler bring you a cup of tea. After that I will tell you my plans for the wedding."

"Lady Grantham, I just..." Tom was interrupted by a very severe look from the old lady.

"I would appreciate it if you just let me talk first. You will have your say after that. I hope you have some reverence for old age..."

So Tom and Edith could do nothing but listen as Violet told them how she thought it proper to go about all this. A quiet marriage at the register's office - Edith couldn't properly wear white anyhow. Very few people attending, only the closest family. Edith's parents, Mary, Rosamund, and Violet herself.

Tom looked like he wanted to say something again, but he didn't dare to interupt.

"Perhaps it is best to do it all in London", Violet continued. "We can arrange a simple meal afterwards in Rosamund's home or at the Crawley's London townhouse."

Tom looked very uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything.

"And it has all to be done as quickly as possible", Violet added. "There is no time to lose."

Violet said that people would know that Edith was pregnant at the wedding anyhow, as soon as the baby was born. Most people could count. But there was nothing to do about that. A wedding trip would be good of course, to keep out of sight for a while. But the most important thing was to have the wedding as soon as possible.

Then, at last, Lady Violet seemed to be finished. No one said anything for more than ten seconds. The room was suddenly utterly silent. Then, at last, Tom dared to say what he had come there for.

"I'm so sorry, Lady Grantham, but I can't marry Edith", he said. "It is quite impossible. I would have told you at once, but you didn't give me a chance to speak."

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for commenting!


	5. Incest

In the evening of the day that he had been drinking tea at Lady Grantham's home and been told by her to marry Edith, Tom Branson had thought it all through from beginning to end. After that he was more certain than ever that there was no way for him to marry her. He just couldn't do it.

...

First of all, it would all be too confusing for little Sybbie. She couldn't have her auntie as her mother.

Tom was fond of Edith. He liked her, and in some ways he even loved her. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that she was Sybil's sister. People said that Edith and Sybil didn't look alike, and perhaps they didn't. But there were little things, quick expressions, the way Edith said things, something about her eyes, that reminded Tom so very much of Sybil.

In Tom's eyes Edith was much more like Sybil than Mary was. A marriage with Edith would forever remind Tom of his loss, Edith would never be anything but second best. Perhaps no other woman would ever be anything more than that either, but at least he wouldn't be constantly reminded of Sybil when looking into the eyes of his wife if he married someone else.

Which was something quite different than being reminded of Sybil when he saw little Sybbie. That was a delight.

Another problem, or perhaps another part of the same problem, was that Edith had felt like a sister for so long. On top of the fact that she was Sybil's sister, they had lived under the same roof for some years now. Marrying Edith, and especially making love to her, would feel too much like incest to be comfortable.

So this would only be a temporary solution to Edith's problem. It could never be more than a marriage in name only. They were both still young, they were both going to want a full marriage sooner or later.

And most probably not with each other.

...

But Tom couldn't let Edith down either. Sybil wouldn't have approved of that. Neither would he be able to live with himself if he did, now that he knew about her problem.

And something had to be done fast, Lady Grantham was right there. Edith was already a couple of months gone.

If she was to marry anyone she had to tell that man about the baby. She wouldn't get away with pretending it was her new husband's child, even if they married fast. And he was sure Edith wouldn't want to pretend that, anyway.

It had to be someone very unusual to accept a thing like that. A very kind man. Preferably also someone who loved Edith and whom Edith could love.

The thoughts went around and around in Tom's head all through that night. He didn't sleep much, but when he did, he dreamt of Sybil. Only to wake up to the realisation that she was gone forever.

And he still had no solution to Edith's problem. Which was now his.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all your kind and interesting reviews, full of suggestions in different directions!

Luckily for me I had already written the next few chapters, and also an outline of the whole story. I know we all have different opinions about DA, and I'm sure some of you will be more happy than others about what is going to happen in this story.

...

Of course I know that it is possible to marry the sister of ones deceased wife, there are no real blood-ties. It is only Tom who feels that it is wrong. Perhaps he will do it in my story despite that. Otherwise you may be able to see him do it in the Christmas Special of 2013.

...

Yes, I am a Strallan fan. I take that as a compliment, and hope you don't feel that you must have written it wrong. It is hard for me to deny it after all the stories I have written on this site.


	6. Stiff Upper Lip

They had been four at the breakfast table that morning, just like they usually were. Tom himself, Edith, Rose and Robert. Mary and Cora were both having their breakfast in bed, as usual. The children were having breakfast with their nanny.

Tom had slept very little that night. He still had no idea of what he should do about Edith's problem. He had looked her over when she sat down at the table, but there was no sign yet that she was expecting a baby. She even managed to look rather cheerful this morning, though her mind must be in a turmoil.

He guessed that was the usual stiff upper lip of the aristocracy. Don't let anyone see your worries. Don't ever give yourself away.

Tom had told Sybil a long, long time ago that posh people were good at hiding their feelings. And Sybil had told him not to make the mistake of thinking that they didn't have any. So, of course, Edith had a lot of feelings right now, she just didn't want her father to see them. Not that he was likely to notice anyhow, buried in his newspaper as he was, just like any other morning.

...

Edith had taken many blows over the years, Tom knew. The worst until now was of course when Sir Anthony Strallan had left her at the altar on their wedding day in 1920. But giving up a child would probably be even worse than that. And giving up the child was Edith's only alternative if she wasn't married, Tom knew that. Lady Grantham would never have suggested that Tom should marry her otherwise.

He remembered what Edith had looked like that day, walking down the aisle at her father's arm, dressed in that beautiful gown. Glowing with happiness. And what Edith had looked like running through the church in the other direction, just some five or ten minutes later. Devastated. Broken.

The next day Edith had been sitting at the breakfast table at Downton, just like any normal day. Brushing aside all worried enquiries with a simple "I'm fine!"

Stiff upper lip if ever there was one.

...

Tom's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Edith. She was asking him something.

"Sorry, I didn't hear that", he said. "Can you say it again?"

"I just wondered if we should go together when we go to granny for tea?" she asked.

That was the exact moment when the idea struck Tom. The idea of another man who was free to marry Edith. Free to marry her but perhaps not willing.

It was possible Tom was going to regret this, but he had to give it a try.

"No, let's meet there, I have some business to attend to first", he said to Edith. "Some estate business."

Which wasn't really a lie, since he didn't say which estate.

But Tom was fairly sure that Edith would hate him for doing what he intended to do. The man he was going to visit would probably not be very happy about it either.

This was a desperate idea, but Tom felt he had to give it a try anyway. Because if he couldn't get anyone else to marry Edith, he would have to do it himself.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind and interesting comments, they mean a lot to me!


	7. Edith

That morning at breakfast Edith had been deep in thought. She had looked at Tom, knowing that he was as reluctant to marry her as she was to marry him. But what other choices did she have?

He had other choices but she hadn't. She found herself a little envious of Tom Branson, which was a strange feeling. She had really managed to make a mess out of things.

...

Later, at her granny's, when Edith heard Tom say that he couldn't marry her, her first feeling was one of relief. But then she thought about her darling little baby, that she would have to give up.

"I'm sorry Edith", Tom said. "I just can't marry you. You are far too much like Sybil. The way you look and the way you speak."

Edith had never heard anyone say that before. On the contrary, she was much more used to be seen as the ugly duckling when compared to the beautiful Sybil. So his refusal was rather flattering.

"But I have thought of another solution", Tom continued. Then he hesitated, more and more doubtful that what he had done was a good idea.

The room was quiet for more than ten seconds.

"Now, let's hear then, Tom", Lady Violet said impatiently. "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation. Edith has to marry or else she will have to give her child away. And she is so far gone that she will have to tell her husband, whoever he is, about the child."

"Yes, yes, I know that", Tom said. "But..."

"But what? Have you found someone else who might be willing to take care of Gregson's child?" Lady Violet sounded quite a bit sarcastic.

"Yes, at least I think so", Tom hesitated again, but he realised it was too late for him to change his mind. "Sir Anthony Strallan."

"What!" Edith screamed, unable to stay calm. No one had mentioned Anthony's name to her during the two years that had gone by since their interrupted wedding. No one except aunt Rosamund, who had mentioned him that time as an example of unreliable men.

Edith had no idea if Sir Anthony was dead or alive. She didn't know if he was still at Locksley or if he had left for London or even left the country. She knew he must be gossiped about, especially right after jilting her, but that gossip never reached her own ears.

"He didn't want me when I was a virgin, why on earth should he want me when I'm expecting somebody else's child?" she said icily, after calming down a little.

"Well, he regrets what he did to you very much", Tom said feebly.

"So you have told him I'm expecting a baby? Oh Tom, how could you? He is the last person in the world I want to know about this. Hasn't he humiliated me enough?"

"I have only told him you are in trouble, not what kind of trouble it is. Like your Granny, I don't think it is my secret to tell."

"Oh, Tom, what else could it be? I'm sure he has come to the right conclusion, he isn't stupid."

"I don't know if he is stupid, but he seems to be under the impression that it has something to do with money. Perhaps because I led him to believe that. And he is quite willing to help, he is happy of a chance to make up for what he did to you."

"If he thinks that there is any way at all to make up for jilting a woman at the altar, then he had better think again. I don't want to have anything more to do with him. Not ever again."

Lady Violet was listening to the argument with a thoughtful look in her face. Perhaps this was a possibility, after all. Edith would be better off as the mistress of Locksley than as the wife of Tom Branson, who really wasn't much more than a paid worker at Downton Abbey. Downton would eventually belong entirely to Mary and her son. Violet was quite aware that Mary and Edith didn't get along very well.

Violet was just about to say something when Tom spoke again.

"Well, Edith, if you don't want to have anything to do with him, I have a problem", Tom said, looking very embarrassed. "Because I brought him with me. He is sitting in the car outside the house. He has been waiting there for quite some time now."

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind reviews.

...

I guess many of you suspected from the start that I would bring Sir Anthony into this mess sooner or later, one way or another.

...

To guest: Actually, I quite like your viewpoint, please keep reading and commenting! I find what you write interesting and agree with most of it.

And thank you so much for calling my story 'Great writing'!

Besides, I like to get reviews whether I agree with them or not. I think it is interesting to hear/read different opinions.


	8. Sir Anthony

After telling Edith in the morning that they should meet at the Dower House, Tom drove over to Locksley.

A big problem was that Tom wasn't sure if Sir Anthony would like to see him. The man had locked himself up at his estate for the last two years, ever since he had left Edith at the altar. Tom had heard that he was refusing all invitations and all visitors, seeing no one but his staff and tenants. Tom was deep in thought, wondering what would happen. Sir Anthony was a nice man, he had helped Tom out that time with Larry Grey, and he was always interested in others and never condescending. If Tom could only get a chance to talk to him he was sure the kind Sir Anthony would be more than willing to save Edith and her child.

Sir Anthony had jilted Edith at the altar, there was no denying that. But Tom had seen the agony in Sir Anthony's eyes when he left church that day. So he was almost certain that Sir Anthony really loved and cared for Edith, at least that he had done so at the time, in spite of what he did. Not like that bastard Gregson, who had taken advantage of Edith and then abandoned her. But Sir Anthony had abandoned Edith too, although not with a bun in the oven.

...

Tom was very uncertain of how Edith would react also. She would probably be very angry with him. And with Sir Anthony.

And Edith's present circumstances was really not Tom's secret to tell. He remembered how upset she had been when she thought that Lady Grantham had told it to Tom. Telling Sir Anthony would probably be worse, he was perhaps one of the last persons Edith wanted to know about it.

...

When the door was opened by the old butler, Tom asked if he could see Sir Anthony. The butler said that he was very sorry but his master didn't receive any visitors. It was no use even asking him.

"Can I write him a note then?" Tom asked.

"I don't know..."

The old butler thought for a while before he decided.

"Well, I can't see why not." And the butler brought pen and paper to Tom who started writing, holding the paper against the door.

Tom went back to the car as Sir Anthony's butler went to Sir Anthony to give him the note. If that note wouldn't help, nothing would, Tom thought.

Tom hadn't even opened the car door when he heard a window open in the house. A familiar voice that he hadn't heard for a very long time was calling his name. Sir Anthony was looking out through the open window.

"Please come in, Mr Branson", he said with a worried but friendly smile. "Come in and have some tea with me."

Tom obliged and was shown to the library where Sir Anthony stood waiting, a very shy and very embarrassed smile on his face. He was looking more skinny and forlorn than ever.

Sir Anthony offered Tom a seat and they both sat down.

"First of all I want to tell you how very sorry I am about your loss. Lady Sybil was a wonderful young woman", Sir Anthony said, looking earnestly into Tom's eyes for the first time.

"Thank you." Tom said. "I appreciate that. She certainly was."

"And Matthew Crawley was a remarkable young man", Sir Anthony added.

"So he was."

They sat there in silence then until the butler returned with the tea. Tom got his tea and a scone with butter and jam before Sir Anthony said anything more.

"I am so sorry about what I did to Lady Edith", Sir Anthony said then, looking down at the floor.

Then he was lost in thought for a long while. Tom found it better to let him take his time, so he didn't say anything. What he really wanted to say was summed up neatly on that note.

"I'm sure I hurt her very much at the time. But I have always thought it was for the best."

"I don't think leaving a woman at the altar can ever be for the best..." Tom said softly.

"No, of course not, I'm sure you are right..." Sir Anthony said, his eyes full of sadness. "But she is such a gifted writer, making a name for herself. I have read all her articles, at least all I know of, and they are simply brilliant. I am so proud of her..."

He was quiet for a moment again.

"I have no right to be of course... I have no right to anything at all. But she has become an important part of the twentieth century instead of being locked up in this dusty old place with an old cripple like me."

Tom just listened. Sir Anthony obviously needed to say this. Tom wanted to say that Edith was doing most of her writing at Downton and could just as easily have done it at Locksley. And the room wasn't particularly dusty. The only thing that looked really neglected in that room was Sir Anthony himself. But Tom didn't want to object to anything Sir Anthony said right now. There were more important issues at stake.

"Why did you write a note like that?" Sir Anthony asked at last. "I thought she was doing fine?"

Tom's note was lying there at the table. All it said was: "Help! Save Edith!"

...

AN: Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

...

The expression 'bun in the oven' is probably a bit too new for Tom to think in 1922. But I like it, so I keep it.


	9. A Desperate Situation

Edith got furious when she heard that Sir Anthony was sitting in the car outside her granny's house.

"Oh, Tom, how could you?" she wailed. "Now I have to get out trough the back door!"

Lady Violet had listened to Tom and Edith in silence, but now she found it upon time to get a word in.

"Don't be silly, Edith! You have been in this house often enough to know there is no backdoor, not if you want to get to your car. You can hide in another room, perhaps, until he goes away. But I'm sure Tom has told him already that you are here."

Tom nodded in confirmation. He was feeling very sheepish, this idea of his hadn't been very helpful.

"I think it is better that you see him", Violet added. "You are bound to bump into him sooner or later, it is better to have it done with. If you don't want to tell him about the baby, then don't. I promise not to say anything about it, and I'm sure Tom won't do it either."

Tom nodded again, looking very earnest.

"I will have to invite him in, no matter what you think", Lady Violet continued. "It has been rude enough, having him wait like this. I just can't send him away without at least a cup of tea. Besides, I think you should consider telling him. Your situation isn't very good. If Tom won't marry you..."

"I only want to marry Michael", Edith said defiantly. "I love Michael! If he gets back..."

"You can't wait for that to happen", Violet said with a snort. "Or any other kind of miracle. If you want to keep the baby, you must grab at every opportunity. Beggars can't be choosers."

And of course granny was right, Edith knew that. But she had been so happy with Michael, thinking about the big sacrifices he was willing to make for her. Happy and stupid, perhaps, but still happy.

She had never been happier than the last months with Michael, not even during the month she was engaged to Anthony. Because she had always felt that Anthony had reservations. She had felt that he didn't want her as much as she wanted him, that he didn't love her as much as she loved him.

But with Michael there had been no reservations. He was willing to sacrifice so much for her. She finally had a chance to feel what true love was really like. She had felt so loved by him.

Now she didn't even know if Michael had really gone to Germany. Perhaps all of it was only a smoke screen. Perhaps he had fooled her from beginning to end.

Men were impossible to understand.

Anthony had stopped their wedding and left her alone at the altar. He couldn't have loved her to do a thing like that. So why on earth should he want to have anything to do with her now? It would be humiliating even to tell him about the baby.

"Why do you think he would even consider helping me?" Edith asked Tom.

"Because he accepted to see me. He hasn't seen anybody for years, but he accepted to see me when I informed him that you needed help. And he agreed to come here. I'm sure he cares about you."

Edith very much doubted that. She herself definitely didn't care much about _him_ any longer. But the thought of the baby was what decided it for her. She just couldn't give her baby away. This was a desperate idea, but she was in a desperate situation.

"Alright", Edith said at last. "I'll see him. But remember, none of you must interfere. I'll decide if I will tell him or not when he is here."

"Good", Violet said. "Tom, go and tell him to come in. Tell him that he is welcome!"

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all the kind reviews to last chapter!


	10. Michael Gregson

"Well, the note, yes", Tom Branson said, putting a new piece of scone into his mouth to gain some time. After that he took another sip of his tea.

He looked at his host, wondering how much he should tell him. Edith would be furious no matter what, but telling Sir Anthony about the baby was a very despicable thing to do, Tom realised. That was most definitely not his secret to tell.

"The note, yes", Tom started once more. "Well, it seems that Edith's editor at The Sketch got her involved in something... I think he made her sign some paper, if I didn't misunderstand it..."

Tom didn't know how right he was there, Edith had never told him or anyone else about the paper Michael Gregson had made her sign.

"I think that got her into some kind of trouble. But she hasn't told me any details. I think she is too proud for that", Tom added.

Sir Anthony was silent for a while, looking very thoughtful.

"Her editor at the Sketch", he said then. "Michael Gregson, isn't it?"

Tom only nodded.

"Oh, yes, I used to know him. They said in the papers that he had gone missing on his way to Germany, and frankly, I was rather relieved by that. I know that Lady Edith writes for The Sketch, so of course she knows him. I'm really sorry that he has involved her in his shady affairs."

He was silent for some moments again.

"There used to be all kinds of rumours about him when I knew him. People said that he had won his fortune by cheating at cards. That he tried to seduce every woman he met, and often succeeded. His wife wanted a divorce, but he didn't want to let her have one. I guess he was afraid of the scandal, The Sketch is mainly read by women. I'm not sure what happened to his wife, I think she moved out somewhere into the country-side."

Tom was shocked. This was even worse than he had thought. Poor Edith!

"How come you knew him?" Tom asked then, rather surprised by the fact.

"I met him during the war. We were posted together in London for a short while. Like me he was considered too old for regular fighting, he is just a couple of years younger than me. Unlike me, Gregson was never sent to France. There was a suspicion that he was a spy. But there were never enough evidence, as far as I know."

Sir Anthony was lost in thought again.

"But him vanishing like that kind of proves it, doesn't it?" he added after a while. "But perhaps he is only running away from some trouble with money. I wouldn't be surprised if he is in Germany now, or perhaps in some other country near by. But I wouldn't be surprised if his name is no longer Michael Gregson."

...

"Did Lady Edith ask you to come and fetch me?" Sir Anthony asked a little while later.

Tom hesitated, but he knew he had deviated enough from the truth already, so he decided he couldn't answer a simple question with a downright lie.

"Not exactly, but she does need help. Lady Grantham thinks so too. And who else can help her when she doesn't want to tell her parents?" he answered.

They were already in the car and on their way by then. If Sir Anthony had asked that question a little earlier, Tom was sure he would never have agreed to come and see Edith and her grandmother.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you so much for commenting!

...

I'm deliberately vague about what happened to Anthony during the war here. There are so many writers here who both know much more about and write much better about such things.


	11. A Lucky Escape

"Good afternoon Lady Grantham! I'm delighted to see you again!" Sir Anthony gave Violet a shy smile, which she acknowledged with a short nod.

"Good afternoon Lady Edith!" Sir Anthony tried to give Edith a smile also, but he didn't really succeed in making it genuine. It was obvious how awkward and unhappy he was feeling.

"I am very impressed by your writing, Lady Edith", he added. "I really enjoy reading what you write in The Times and The Sketch."

Seeing Sir Anthony again had stunned Edith. "Thank you", was all she managed to say, with a very thin voice.

Anthony had aged twenty years in the two years that had gone by, Edith thought. Now he looked quite a bit older than her father. Edith had never really cared about the age gap before. She knew Sir Anthony was less than five years younger than her father, but she had always thought he looked much younger than that. And he was such a modern man, always interested in the latest news and inventions.

But now he had become an old man. An old codger, as he had called himself.

He was unbelievably thin, he didn't look at all well. Perhaps he had some mortal disease?

Edith couldn't help staring at Anthony in disbelief. Whatever had she seen in him? How could she ever have been in love with him? But she had been, she had loved him for the best part of eight long years. She had been engaged to him for a month, and then she had almost married him. After that she had hated him for...well...a couple of months...half a year, perhaps? Then she had moved on, forgotten him, lived a new kind of life, enjoyed that.

When she saw Anthony again now, the only feeling she had left for him was pity. Both her love and her hate were gone.

She really didn't know what to say to him. So she kept quiet.

"You are such a talented writer", Sir Anthony continued. "And I will be very honoured to help you with your trouble, whatever it is. You don't have to give me any details if you don't want to. Just name the sum you need and I will give it to you. Or lend it to you, if you prefer that. I'll be delighted to help you."

"That's very kind of you", Edith started, hesitantly. "But... well..."

Violet and Tom were both looking silently at the scene. None of them knew what was going on inside the head of either Edith or Anthony, but they could feel how tense they both were. No surprise, perhaps, considering what had happened the last time these two had met...

"We can make the arrangement through our lawyers", Anthony added. "You don't have to see me again. And I will pray that everything will turn out well for you..."

Anthony had said that he would pray that Edith would be happy when he left her at the altar that day. She refused to listen to more nonsense like that. But she tried her best to keep calm.

"Don't you dare to pray for me!" she said icily. "I don't think God listens at all to what you say. Your prayers had no effect whatsoever, I'm more unhappy than I ever was."

Anthony gave Edith a new shy look.

"I'm sorry about that", he said. "It wasn't my intention to make you unhappy. I was only convinced that you would be happier without me."

"Left by the altar! You are a funny man!" Edith laughed, but there was not a hint of joy in her laugh. Anthony looked even more unhappy than before.

"Point taken", he said quietly after a while. "Please, let's not talk any more about that, Lady Edith. The past is impossible to change. Now, what can I do to help you with your money problem?"

That was the moment when Edith's patience finally came to an end.

"Money problem!" she shouted. "I have no money problem! I wish that was all I had!"

She thought for just a little more than five seconds before she decided to tell him the whole story. What pride had she left, after all? No pride at all. And no love, except the love for her baby. She really didn't have anything at all to lose. Nothing at all but her baby.

If this humiliation was what it took to save the little one...

"Tom wants you to marry me", she blurted out. "Because he doesn't want to do it himself. I'm expecting a child, you see. My editor at the Sketch is the father, Michael Gregson, if you have ever heard of him. He can't marry me because he has disappeared, and even if he hadn't, he is already married. I will have to go abroad and have someone adopt my baby, but I just can't get myself to do that."

Anthony's chin fell. The look he gave Edith was one of utter surprise and consternation. And something else that Edith immediately interpreted as contempt.

"I'm sure you despise me", she said then, putting her chin up, a little calmer now that it was all out in the open. "I shouldn't have told you. I'm sure you are glad you didn't marry someone as loose as me, someone who jumps into bed with married men. I'm sure you think that you made a lucky escape."

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you so much for your all your kind reviews!

I know that my story will be AU after the Christmas special, but I hope I will have completed it before then. I have 20 chapters planned in all, nine more to go!

And I am sorry that I won't have time/don't dare to read anyone else's story before this one is complete. I have started keeping away from the spoilers for the Christmas Special also, I'm afraid that seeing anything more or reading any other story will ruin my imagination and make my inferiority complex kick in. I know where this story is going, and I have every intention of taking it there.

And from now on I will try to keep my AN:s shorter.


	12. The Worst Proposal Ever

Lady Violet thought that Edith had been unnecessarily blunt when telling Strallan about her predicament. That was certainly not the right way to entice a man into marrying her. She knew that Edith had to tell him about the baby, he was intelligent enough to realise it wasn't his anyway, when the child was born, but she could have done it in a more ladylike fashion. And at least pretended that she was still in love with the man.

Edith really had no talent with men. Violet was sure that Mary would have handled this thing so much better.

Lady Violet knew that she had promised not to interfere, but she felt that she had the right to say something now, when the secret was already out.

"Well, you have heard it now", she said to Anthony. "I want Tom to marry Edith. After all he is part of the family, and ought to be able to do that to save Edith's reputation and give the child a father. But he doesn't want to marry her, and she doesn't want to marry him either. So he thought up the strange idea of getting you to do it instead."

Violet looked at Sir Anthony who was still looking at Edith like he had seen a ghost, so she decided that she might as well go on.

"If you want to marry her I won't object this time. At least she will have a child, even if you wouldn't be able to provide her with one. And you can give her a better standing in society for herself and her child than Tom can. And, let's face it, Edith's chances of marrying someone else haven't exactly improved."

...

It took Sir Anthony quite a while to take it all in. But after that he immediately understood what he needed to do. This was his chance to protect Lady Edith and pay back just a little of what he had made her suffer.

"No, I don't despise you, Lady Edith, not at all", he started. "How could I! You are the most wonderful woman I know, and I..."

He swallowed the rest. This was not the time for any declarations of love. He was sure that she wouldn't like to hear them and that they would only make it more difficult for her to accept his proposal.

Because he had to propose to her, right there and then, with her grandmother and brother-in-law around them. He had to propose to her in the most unromantic way possible. It would have to be the worst proposal ever, making it clear to her that all he was offering her was a pretence, a way to save her child as well as her reputation. Making it clear to Edith that he didn't ever expect a true marriage from her. And that he didn't expect her to love him.

He didn't expect her to love him back.

So he started out. He went over to where she was standing and bent down on one knee. He thought of taking her hand in his but decided against it, it would be far too intimate.

"Lady Edith", he started. "I would be very honoured if you would accept my hand in marriage. No obligations, no...well...just a marriage in name. To make it possible for you to keep your baby. And perhaps find it in your heart to forgive me, just a little, for abandoning you during our wedding."

"Stop it", Edith cried out. "You don't know what you are doing!"

"But I do. I want you to be able to keep your child. I didn't expect this, it's a little more complicated than just lending you some money, but it will also bring me more pleasure..."

"Well, if you expect anything like _that_, you will have to think again..."

"No, no, I wasn't talking about...bodily pleasures..." Anthony almost choked on the words. "Just the pleasure of seeing you at times, to keep up the pretence."

Edith looked at him intently, thinking it all over carefully. She knew the chances of Michael coming back were slim to say the least. Perhaps keeping her child and protecting it from being called a bastard was worth the humiliation of a loveless marriage to Anthony Strallan.

Yes, of course it was! That little child was worth every sacrifice she would ever be able to make for it. Anthony was a kind man, it would probably not be difficult to live in the same house as him. And she was sure that he would treat the child well.

Marrying Anthony, unlike marrying Tom, would get her away from Downton and Mary, which was a good thing in itself. Living at Downton would be very awkward once their parents were dead, even if that hopefully wouldn't happen for many more years to come.

"Alright", she said at last. "I accept your proposal."

Anthony got up from the floor, nearly falling over because his knee had got stiff. 'Too old to marry!' he heard a little voice mocking him inside his head. 'Too old for all those physical things, even bending down to propose is too difficult for you. Lucky for you that you won't be expected to do anything more strenuous than that!'

"I have some conditions, and if you don't feel you can accept them..." Edith continued.

"Naturally", Anthony said, with a smile that wasn't entirely unhappy, despite of everything. "Please tell me."

"The first one is that you will have no marital rights. And I hope you understand what I mean by that. I want my own bedroom. It can be adjacent to yours, but only for appearances sake. Don't ever get in there, don't ever touch me, not further than holding my arm while walking together."

"Of course! I already told you there would be no bodily..."

"I loved you!" Edith exclaimed. "If you only knew how much I was looking forward to that part of our wedding. But you killed it all, all the love I ever had for you. And I might be a slut, but I will never...do those things...with a man I don't love. Even if he is my husband."

Perhaps that was meant to hurt Anthony, but instead it gave him the first glimmer of a hope that this could eventually develop into a real marriage. But he decided he had better not allow himself to have any hopes at all in that direction.

He really hated Gregson for making Edith feel she was worthless. But perhaps that was exactly what Anthony had done himself that time, but in a different way.

"I don't think you are a sl..." he started, but she interrupted him again.

"The child must never know that you are not the real father."

"Of course. I will be more than happy to accept it as my own."

"I also want to keep on writing. I need a study, with a small library. I need the right to buy any books and newspapers I need. And I have to go to London regularly."

"I most definitely _want_ you to keep on writing. And I still have my London townhouse. You can have a bedroom and a study of your own there also. And I will give you a monthly allowance, you won't have to ask me for every pound and penny you need."

"Good, thank you! I earn some money from my writing, but not enough", Edith said. "But there is more. If Michael comes back I want a divorce. With you as the guilty party."

Tom cleared his throat as if he wanted to say something, but Anthony silenced him with a look. It was obvious that Anthony didn't want anyone to tell Edith what he had told Tom about Gregson.

"Naturally", Anthony said. "If he comes back and is free to marry you, of course he must have the right to do so."

This part was easy to agree to, of course. No chance that Gregson would return, Anthony thought. He wondered if he would have accepted this so easily if he hadn't known anything about Edith's lover.

"And I want to use the car", she added. "To drive it myself."

"Of course. Perhaps we can even get you a car of your own."

"And don't you ever dare to call me _My Sweet One_ or _My Dearest Darling_", Edith added. "You have destroyed those two expressions for me, they just sound like mockery now. If you need to use any endearments for appearances sake, simply call me darling or dear."

"Alright. Though I can assure you I wasn't mocking you."

"Well, I guess that is about all", Edith concluded. "Except that the child will be given all it needs, of course. Just as if it was your own child."

"Of course it will. It _is_ my child. So, Lady Edith, will you marry me then?"

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind and interesting reviews!

...

I wrote somewhere that I thought the interest for Edith/Anthony was diminishing now that it's more than a year since he left her at the altar. But there have been seven Edith/Anthony stories updated, including two totally new ones, since I published my eleventh chapter of this story only two days ago. So perhaps I was wrong.


	13. Reading the Banns

Anthony waited in silence for Edith's answer to his proposal. Tom and Violet also found it wisest not to interfere. The room was absolutely quiet for a long, long time.

Edith was thinking it all over. She was thinking about what other chances she had to keep her baby, how very slim they were. She wondered why Anthony was doing this. Would it make her more indebted to him than she cared to be?

Then at last she made up her mind. In the end it was her love for her unborn child that decided it. Could the love for a man ever be as strong as that? She very much doubted it. She loved her child, and that had nothing to do with her love for Michael Gregson any longer. But she still loved him also, perhaps he had some valid reason to stay away.

She knew it was wrong of her to take advantage of Anthony, but at least she wasn't tricking him into anything.

If Anthony was willing to save her child, she was willing to let him do so.

"Yes", she said simply.

...

After Edith had accepted Sir Anthony's proposal, Lady Violet insisted that they should all four of them go to Downton Church to find Reverend Travis and discuss the wedding plans. So they all got into the biggest of the two cars, with Tom at the wheel, Sir Anthony in the passenger seat beside him and the two ladies in the back.

It was a very quiet car ride. No one said anything, they were all lost in their own thoughts, wondering what was really happening.

Sir Anthony was sitting in the same place in the same car as he had done on his way from Locksley, and during the half-hour or so he had waited outside before he was invited in to see Lady Grantham and Edith. He had felt very ill at ease while he was waiting, wondering why on earth he had let Tom Branson persuade him to come there.

The two years that had gone by since Anthony left Lady Edith at the altar hadn't been happy for him. But at least they had been peaceful. He had been lonely, but he had learnt to accept his loneliness. He had managed his estate, read books and papers, kept up to date with what was happening in the world and in agriculture. Gone for long walks, but only on his own grounds. Minded his own business.

Now, suddenly, he was about to marry Lady Edith Crawley. Again. Things had started moving quite a bit too fast for him.

Edith was also deep in thought. She felt like a spoilt child, asking for all those things. But it was about her whole life, hers as well as her child's. She couldn't accept to live her life as Anthony's little wife as she had wanted to do two years ago. She didn't want to become a prisoner at Locksley. She wanted an independent life, she wanted to keep on writing. She wanted something important to do.

Her only reason for marrying Anthony was to protect her child. She knew that children born out-of-wedlock were looked down upon and maltreated in society, even if the poor little things couldn't help that their parents weren't married. That was really so wrong, perhaps she should write an article about it...

...

They found Reverend Travis in the vestry, busy with some writing, probably next Sunday's sermon. He immediately put it away as they entered the room. If he was surprised to see those four people together in his church, he didn't show it.

"God afternoon Lady Grantham! Lady Edith, Sir Anthony, Mr Branson", he said, showing his good memory for names and faces. "What can I do for you?" He turned to Violet, as the most likely one to tell him what it was all about.

"We want you to finish that wedding ceremony you started to perform for Edith and Sir Anthony two years ago." Violet said. "It's vital that it is done as soon as possible. Before the groom changes his mind again."

Sir Anthony was about to protest, but found it better to keep quiet. It was important that the wedding would take place as soon as possible, before Edith's pregnancy began to show. Nobody had told him how far gone she was.

"I don't think we have to bother about reading the banns", Violet added. "They have been read already, as you may remember. I'm sure there is no need to read them strictly before the wedding. And there is also a marriage certificate ready for them already."

Reverend Travis was appalled by this summary way of treating the holy ceremony.

"I'm sure the banns will have to be read again after such a long time. What if anyone of the couple has got married in the meantime?"

"Edith belongs to your church. You know she hasn't married during those last two years. And if you can't remember if you have married her or not, you can take a quick look in the church books. As for Sir Anthony, you know what Church he belongs to. There is a thing called a telephone these days, very practical they say. I see you have one there. Please make a quick call to Reverend Morlowe and ask him if there has been any change in Sir Anthony's marital status during those last few years."

Travis did as he was told, which was usually wisest when confronted with Lady Violet. And of course Morlowe told him that Sir Anthony hadn't married again during the two years. He was still a widower.

"Good!" Lady Violet said. "Now you can look up in your books what is the maximum time allowed to pass between the reading of the banns and the actual wedding. I'm sure there is no time limit."

Travis had to admit defeat. There was no time mentioned at all. Only that the banns had to be read _before_ the wedding, which they had most definitely been in this case.

"So you can actually marry our couple now?" Violet said. "I know you will need two witnesses, but Tom and I can act as that. No use to drag it out, now that the decision is made!"

That was when Sir Anthony at last decided to get a word in concerning his own wedding.

"I must get back to Locksley first if I am to marry today", he said. "I need to fetch the ring!"

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all your kind reviews!

I haven't checked if it is possible to have the banns read more than two years before a wedding. I guess it isn't, but Violet manages to persuade Travis, which is the important thing. The two witnesses I have taken from the Swedish marriage rules, at least as they were when I got married some years ago. I don't know if the rules are/were the same in England and I have no time for research.

I tried to add Travis' name to the characters of the story, but couldn't find it in the character list.


	14. The Wedding

Lady Violet insisted that they should all go to Locksley together to collect Sir Anthony's wedding ring. Perhaps she was afraid that he wouldn't return otherwise.

Violet told Travis to prepare for the wedding, they would all be back in an hour or so.

When they arrived at Locksley, Violet told Tom to accompany Sir Anthony into the house while she and Edith stayed in the car.

"I won't run away", Sir Anthony said. "But I don't blame you for thinking I will. So please come with me, Tom."

Tom noticed that he wasn't Mr Branson to Sir Anthony any longer, as he had been the same morning. But of course, they were going to become brothers-in-law before the day was over.

The two men left the women in the car and headed for the open door where Bunter, Sir Anthony's old butler, stood waiting for them.

"I'm getting married today", Sir Anthony told Bunter. "To Lady Edith Crawley. Please see to it that the bedroom next to mine is in order. The one on the other side of the dressing room. Nothing special, just get it cleaned up and put in new sheets for my wife to sleep in. And plenty of fresh flowers. And have my own bedroom and the dressing room fixed up a little extra as well."

"Certainly, Sir."

"My wife will need a study of her own later on, but I think we had better let her choose herself which room she wants to use for that."

"Very good, Sir."

"And tell Mrs Brown to prepare a small special meal for me and my wife when we get back here in the evening. Eight o'clock will be fine, I think. Something very nice. Lobster, perhaps, if you can get it, or some other seafood, then a steak perhaps. And raspberry meringue would be a nice dessert. But those are only suggestions, I trust Mrs Brown to choose something suitable herself."

"I will tell her that, Sir. And help her order any food she will need."

Bunter was of course utterly surprised by this sudden turn of events, but he had learnt to keep a straight face. He wondered how Mrs Brown would react, though. She would probably be very happy. It was the first time since _that_ unhappy day, that their master had taken the slightest interest in food. Most days he didn't even notice what he was putting into his mouth, no matter what she cooked. And he didn't eat much of it anyway, he was starting to get frightfully thin.

...

After giving Bunter his instructions, Anthony led Tom to the library to collect the ring.

"I have it in the safe here", he said. He removed one of the paintings from the wall and started opening the safe under it, not caring if Tom could see what combination he was using. Then he took out a small box.

"It is the wrong date on the inscription, of course, but it will have to do anyhow. We can change it later", Sir Anthony said with a sigh. "The rest of the inscription reads _My darling Edith with all my love_. Which is still true, of course. And I'm glad there wasn't enough room to put in my _dearest_ darling."

"Yes, perhaps she wouldn't have liked that", Tom said, feeling very sorry for this very kind man who had loved and lost and was now about to marry the love he had lost. Without getting her love back.

"I only wish I had married her that day. It would have made things so much easier for all of us."

"Well, we all make our mistakes", Tom said. "Better late than never, I think."

Tom thought of asking Sir Anthony why he was doing this, but perhaps it was obvious. Because Sir Anthony loved Edith and both Tom and Anthony knew how badly an unmarried mother and her child would be treated in society.

"I hope you will agree to be my best man, Tom", Sir Anthony said then. Tom nodded, so Anthony handed him the small box.

"And yes, the note", Anthony said as he saw Tom's note on the library table. "You had better get rid of this", he added, while he gave it to Tom. "I don't think any one of us would want Lady Edith to see it."

"No", Tom said, putting the note into his pocket. "I will burn it as soon as I get back to Downton Abbey."

"Thank you for writing it. I think you did the right thing in coming here for me", Anthony added.

"I could see when you left that day that you really didn't want to leave her", Tom said.

Anthony looked intently at Tom for a moment.

"You were right, of course", he said then.

Tom only nodded.

"But I think we had better go back to the ladies now", Sir Anthony said with a crooked smile. "Before Lady Violet thinks I have left through the back door."

...

They all returned to Downton Church for the wedding.

As Tom was preparing to do his duties as a best man, he thought of how very glad he was about the outcome of his desperate idea the very same morning. He was going to miss Edith at the breakfast table the next morning, of course, but at least this saved them both from having to marry each other.

"Dearly beloved..." Reverend Travis began.

He hadn't got any further than that when he was interrupted by a pained echo from the past.

"I can't do this!"

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all your kind and interesting reviews!

The story isn't quite over yet, as you can see. Please keep reading! Next chapter up on Friday, I hope.


	15. Persuasion

"I can't do this."

The words echoed through Downton Church, filling the few people present with a feeling of deja-vu and dome.

Lady Violet was, as usual, the first one to recover and find something to say.

"Oh Edith, don't be silly", she said. "Why on earth not?"

"Because I can't let Sir Anthony throw away his life on me."

Anthony looked at Edith in disbelief, hearing his words turned back against himself.

Perhaps it would be difficult for him to live together with Edith knowing that he could never be her husband in the full meaning of the word. But he had decided that just seeing Edith across the table at dinner or breakfast would be a relief from his present state of loneliness. The state he had been in for the last two years, since his decision at the wedding had made him an outcast in society.

So Anthony had made up his mind not to let what he wouldn't get by marrying Edith destroy all that he would get.

"I'm not throw..." he started. But Edith cut him short.

"Honestly, Anthony, why on earth do you want to do this?" Edith asked. "Are you only doing it out of pity for me?"

"No, of course not", he said, very quickly. Though he did pity her. He pitied her, but he didn't despise her. Anthony knew how much he had hurt Edith, he had thought about her sad face beneath that veil every day since he left her by the altar. He couldn't blame Edith for grabbing at what love she could get, it wasn't easy for her to see that what Gregson was giving her wasn't really love.

"Well, _why_ do you want to do it?" Edith continued. "What are _you_ gaining from it? You know that I don't love you any longer!"

Anthony thought for a moment. Telling her how much he loved her wouldn't do the trick, he knew. But he got another idea.

"Perhaps it will make me welcome back into society..." he started. "I have been very lon..."

She cut him short again, she didn't even seem to listen.

"What if the baby is a boy? He will inherit Locksley. He will be the next one in the long line of Strallans, he will inherit your title. And he will not have a single drop of Strallan blood in his veins."

"I don't really..." Anthony tried to get a word in, but Edith didn't let him speak.

"And even if it is a girl. By being married to me, under the circumstances, the rules we have agreed upon, you will never have the chance to get a son and heir later on either, or even a girl of your own. You will only have this one child who isn't even yours."

"I honestly don't care about that", Anthony said very firmly, not accepting to be silenced again. "Don't you understand that I have given up any hope of children long ago? I will be delighted to take care of your child, no matter what. And it will be _my_ child also because it will grow up with me as its father. One child is so much better than none at all. It will be wonderful to have a little one playing at Locksley again. My sister's children and grandchildren have been visiting from time to time, but I was the last one to grow up there. I still have some of my toys tucked away somewhere..."

Reverend Travis didn't want to listen to all this. He knew he shouldn't marry the couple after hearing these things said out loud. This would not be a real marriage in the eyes of God.

But Travis also knew on what side his bread was buttered, as Lady Grantham had so often pointed out to him. And he had to deal with Lady Grantham now. Dealing with God was something that wouldn't happen until after death, and Travis was sure he would be able to make up a good excuse for this before then.

He certainly feared Lady Grantham very much more than he feared God. God was so much easier to please.

"And what if Michael returns?" Edith continued. "He might come back tomorrow or even today, for all I know."

Tom cleared his throat, but Sir Anthony once again silenced him with a look.

"If Gregson returns, we will get a divorce", Sir Anthony said very softly. "I have already promised you that. I will hire some woman to pretend we are having an affair, you will not be hurt by it."

"But Michael will be so terribly disappointed in me", Edith complained.

It hurt Sir Anthony to hear how much Edith cared about that scoundrel.

Reverend Travis had been quiet until then, but now he felt he had to say something. Perhaps he ought to say he couldn't go trough with this strange wedding.

"Let's just all..." he started.

It was not until then Edith realised that Travis had heard everything she had said. She had got so carried away.

"Please, Reverend, everything that has been said here today must stay between us. You have to treat it with total discretion. Whether Sir Anthony and I get married or not."

Travis nodded. As a servant of the church he was used to hearing many strange things. But this wedding was perhaps the strangest one yet.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! And a very heartfelt thank you for the many kind and interesting reviews!

Will she, won't she? Next chapter will be up in a couple of days!

And it was supposed to be a surprise that _Edith _uttered those words...Well, well, I didn't manage to hide that very well, did I!


	16. Telling the Family

After her long outburst in church, Edith was quiet for a long, long time, thinking things over. Was it right of her to marry Anthony?

Anthony hadn't made any declarations of love and that was a relief. That would only have made her feel bad about not loving him any longer. Instead it was Anthony's mention of his tucked away toys that decided it for her. She saw a quick image of a collection of tin soldiers, a box of building blocks and perhaps a rocking horse for her child to play with. It was obvious that Anthony was longing for children, he wouldn't have thought of the toys otherwise. She was actually doing _him_ a favor in giving him one, even though it wasn't really his.

Anthony was a grownup. He was getting into this with open eyes and he had the right to make his own decisions. He wanted to marry her, she wanted to keep her child. She had been honest with him, he only had himself to blame if he got frustrated later on.

Anthony was not the one who needed protection, her baby was. It was to be brought into this world without a chance to say no. Edith decided that at least it shouldn't be unwanted. She was sure that Anthony was going to be a good and loving father. The little one deserved to have the best father possible. It also deserved that its mother did all she could to be able to keep it.

"Alright, I'll do it!" she said at last.

Then the ceremony started again.

...

The third time Reverend Travis pronounced the words "Dearly beloved" at a wedding for Lady Edith Crawley and Sir Anthony Strallan, nobody objected.

Reverend Travis unconsciously made a longer pause than usual after the two words before he continued the ceremony as if he expected someone to interfere. But no one did. The whole congregation of four kept their mouths blissfully shut during the ceremony, except for saying the appropriate things at the appropriate moments.

...

After Sir Anthony and Lady Edith were pronounced man and wife the four of them went back to Lady Violets house to pick up the second car before going over to Downton Abbey to tell the rest of the family about the marriage.

Carson was surprised to see Sir Anthony together with Violet, Edith and Tom when he opened the door. But he only raised an eyebrow before letting them all in.

Robert, Cora, Mary, Isobel and Rose were sitting in the parlour, ready for their evening meal. They had started being a little irritated that Edith and Tom were late. They all rose from their chairs when Lady Violet entered, supported by Tom and immediately followed by Edith at Sir Anthony's arm. Mary stared in astonishment at the wedding-ring on Edith's finger.

"Sir Anthony!" Cora exclaimed. "I must say this is a surprise. Welcome!"

And she gave him a friendly smile, although she hadn't really forgiven what he had done to her daughter.

"Edith and Anthony got married an hour ago", Lady Violet said. "You may think that was unnecessarily fast but there are reasons..."

"Reasons, what do you mean?" Cora looked worried, sensing what it must be all about. Well, what other reason could there be for a quick marriage?

"I'm expecting a baby", Edith said defiantly.

"Which the two of you, as parents, would have noticed long ago if you had ever paid any attention to Edith", Violet continued. "Anthony is trying to help her out. She has carried on an affair wi..."

Sir Anthony did something very few people ever dared to do. He cut Lady Violet short.

"Yes, I'm sorry about it all", he said with a stern look at Lady Violet, making her realise that it wasn't her secret to tell. "I'm afraid I have treated your daughter very dishonourably, I shouldn't have taken advantage of her the way I did. But she is so beautiful and I got carried away. And I think it is only fair that I shall help her out of the trouble I have put her into myself."

Edith looked at Anthony in disbelief. But she realised that it was better for her child if everyone thought that Sir Anthony was its father. There were six people who knew the truth already - not counting Michael Gregson who didn't know there was a child - and that was quite enough.

"When Michael Gregson disappeared I went to Anthony for help", Edith said as an explanation. "Since I know Anthony has been in Intelligence... And then one thing lead to another..." Edith trailed off, looking appropriately embarrassed, even managing to blush.

Lady Violet, for once, admired Edith's talent as an actor. She was probably used to lying to her parents.

"So we got married today", Sir Anthony concluded. "By Reverend Travis. I'm sure he was glad to finally get that job finished." He smiled his usual crocked smile.

"Oh, what fun!" Rose exclaimed. "But I wish I could have been at the wedding!"

"Congratulations!" Isobel said with a heartfelt smile. "I'm so glad you have managed to work through your difficulties. I have always thought you two were meant for each other."

Mary only stared in disbelief at Edith. For once Edith had managed to stun her sister.

"I'm so happy for you", Cora said. "Please stay for dinner, all of you!"

Robert was less good at hiding his irritation. "I don't think dinner will stretch", he muttered.

"That is alright", Sir Anthony said with a friendly smile. "I have already ordered a wedding supper for me and my wife back at Locksley, we can't let that go to waste."

"But _I_ will be happy to eat here", Lady Violet said. "It has been rather a tiresome day. I can take Edith's place, no reason to waste any food."

"I'll just run up to get some things", Edith said as a farewell. "I'll be back later on to pack the rest of it."

...

As soon as the newly weds had left Robert lost his temper.

"This is ridiculous", he complained. "I thought she was seeing that fellow Gregson, she seemed to worry so much about him. And all this time she has played behind our backs with that old scoundrel."

Cora only smiled. "I think you ought to be a little more careful of what you call your son-in-law. And I for one am delighted to have another grand-child. And who would have thought _that_ of Sir Anthony!"

"Yes, who would have thought _that_ of poor old Strallan", said Mary, who was finally able to form words again. "Getting Edith in the family way. Quite the Casanova."

Violet only muttered at that. Edith's secret was safe with her, just as she hoped her own secret was safe with Edith.

"I had breakfast with Edith this morning, and she didn't say a word about this", Robert complained. "I wasn't even allowed to lead her up the aisle!" Then he remembered that Tom had come in together with Edith and Anthony.

"Did _you_ know about this?" Robert asked.

"I didn't have the slightest idea that Edith was carrying on with Sir Anthony", Tom answered. "Not until they asked me to witness their wedding this afternoon."

Tom's mother had taught him never to tell a lie. But this was the truth, of course, even if it wasn't the whole truth. And if Edith didn't want to tell her parents and her sister about what had actually happened, it was _her_ choice. Tom would never be the one to disclose her secret.

...

AN:Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind and interesting reviews!

I'm not going to comment on them now, you will have to read on to see what happens! Next chapter will be up on Tuesday, I think.

...

I noticed that it didn't matter that I couldn't put Travis into my character list. I couldn't put anyone else in either. Four is the maximum as I'm sure you know.

...

Safely married then. Off to Locksley for the wedding night! Don't expect too much - Sir Anthony doesn't. And this story is only K+.


	17. The Wedding Night

Anthony and Edith returned to Locksley in Lord Grantham's car after promising that Sir Anthony's driver would return it as soon as they got home. Edith was driving at her usual speed, making Anthony wonder if he had been wise in promising to get her a car of her own.

What had happened to young Matthew Crawley had obviously not made Edith a more careful driver.

"Thank you for saying the child is yours! I'm glad that my parents won't know that it isn't", Edith said. She was looking at Anthony with an admiring smile that he couldn't appreciate. He would very much have prefered her to look at the road ahead of them. He was less willing to risk his life than he had been for a long, long time.

"That was very brave of you", Edith added with a new smile. "I'm sure Papa is very angry with you now."

She drove on in silence for a while, to Sir Anthony's relief. Then she smiled at him again.

"You could have been the great hero for him, saving me from disgrace. But now you are the villain..."

...

Anthony's servants were outside to welcome their new mistress.

"Welcome home, Lady Edith Strallan!" Bunter said.

"Thank you, Bunter!" Edith said with a smile.

"I'm so happy to be here. Locksley has always felt like a home to me", she added, giving a happy smile to everyone present in turn.

...

Mrs Brown had done her utmost with their wedding meal. She hadn't taken Sir Anthony's advice on any of the courses. Like all women Anthony had ever known she had a strong will of her own.

There were oysters for starters. Could there be anything more suitable for a wedding meal? Everybody knew what effect _they_ had on the human body. Then there was salmon with asparagus for the main course. Asparagus were also supposed to have a certain effect, Mrs Brown had heard. For dessert there was of course Apple Charlotte, her master's favourite. Mrs Brown was sure she made the best Apple Charlotte in the whole of Yorkshire.

Sir Anthony felt a little embarrassed by this choice of food. He feared that Edith would think he had chosen them himself for their alleged effects.

Mrs Brown was obviously doing her best to have a baby Strallan in the house as soon as possible. Well, if all went as it should, she wasn't going to be disappointed on that point, Sir Anthony thought.

Edith was showing a healthy appetite, praising every dish that was placed on the table. Perhaps she had started eating for two already. But she only sipped at the wine, even though some of the best bottles had been taken from Sir Anthony's cellar to go with the food.

Bunter was serving, of course. He was very discreet, as usual. Even so, they felt they had to talk about neutral things.

But Anthony really enjoyed discussing things with Edith again, as they had done so often before. There were so many things they both liked to talk about, not only the latest news and the newest farm equipment but also music and books and paintings. It was so nice to be with her again, she was so beautiful and she had so interesting things to say.

It was the nicest meal Anthony had taken part of for ages. He found himself both eating a lot and enjoying what he ate.

...

At last the awkward moment came when they decided they had to go to bed. They were both careful not to let the servants understand that their marriage was one in name only, so they ascended the stairs together, holding hands. The less that was talked about them the better, at Locksley or anywhere else.

"This is the door to your bedroom, my dear", Anthony said when they were up on the bedroom floor. "The next door is the door of the dressing room and the one after that is the one to my bedroom. There are doors between the three rooms as well, that is, there is a door between each bedroom and the dressing room. And there is a bathroom attached to each bedroom."

"I see", Edith said. "But I think I already knew that. Isn't this the same rooms..."

"Yes, of course", Anthony said hastily. "No need to explain, then. I think we should get into my bedroom first. Don't you agree, my darling?"

So they opened the door to Sir Anthony's bedroom and got into it, closing the door behind them. At last they could talk freely.

"All right, I will show you the rest of it now", Anthony said, opening the door to the dressing room and then to Edith's own bedroom.

"I have promised not to enter your bedroom, so I won't go any further", he said. "Please go in and check if you have everything you will need!"

Edith went in and took a quick look around the bedroom and the bathroom. Of course everything was in order. Clean sheets and towels, a new cake of soap, plenty of beautiful flowers everywhere... It all looked very nice and she told Anthony so as she put down her little bag on a chair.

"Shall I call a maid to help you undress?" he asked then.

"No, that would give us away, wouldn't it. Besides, women's clothes are so much easier to handle than they were some years ago."

"Alright then. There are keys to the doors in the top drawer of the dresser", Anthony added. "So you can lock them if that makes you feel more secure. Good night, my dear!"

And with those words he left her and returned to his own bedroom and closed the door, hearing her saying "Good night, Anthony!" to his back.

Sir Anthony felt a quick pang of regret when he heard Edith close her bedroom door. He waited for the sound of the key turning in the lock, but it never came.

"She trusts me", he thought. "That is at least something. And I will never do anything to lose her trust again."

After that he undressed and got into his pyjama - there was a clean one laid out on the bed - without calling for his man to help him. It took him quite some time with his one arm, but he didn't want anyone to know that his wife wouldn't help him undress, not even on their wedding night.

Anthony was surprised that he felt so happy in spite of everything. Edith was sleeping just a few yards away from him but still unreachable. But it was so nice to know that she would have breakfast with him in the morning. And then there were plenty of things for them to do together, chose a room for her to work in, plan a renovation for that, discuss how they would live their lives together at Locksley and in London. Make plans for the arrival of their child, but of course they would have to wait a little to fix the nursery and things like that.

Anthony hadn't had intercourse with a woman since before his wife Maud died more than fifteen years earlier. In fact he had never done those things with anyone else but Maud, so there was really no difference there. He hardly remembered what it was like, only that it had been very sweet and that he had enjoyed it very much.

It had been a long day, it was difficult to believe that only about twelve hours had gone by since he had invited Tom Branson into his library in the morning. During those few hours Anthony's life had changed completely. And, to be honest, he had come alive again. His life had a purpose now and soon he was going to be a father.

Once again Edith had given him back his life.

...

The next morning Anthony was awaken by a knock on the door. He sat up in bed and called out: "Come in!"

Then he realised that the knock hadn't come from the door to the hallway but from the one to the dressing room.

"Good morning, husband!" Edith said with a smile as she opened the door. She was dressed in a very flimsy nightgown, entirely made out of lace. He hoped she didn't notice his reaction to seeing her dressed like that.

"I have slept very well", Edith added. "For the first time in weeks. Thank you for taking away my worries for the child!"

Then Edith did something totally unexpected. She took three fast steps across the floor and sat down unceremoniously on the bed beside him before tucking her legs in under the covers.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all your lovely reviews!

Christmas is getting nearer and there are still a few chapters to go. Luckily the larger part of each remaining chapter is already written. Next one will be up on Thursday, perhaps? Or maybe already tomorrow?


	18. The Wedding Trip

"I think we are entitled to have our breakfast in bed this morning, after a whole night of physical activities", Edith said with a shy smile after getting into Anthony's bed the morning after their thoroughly chaste wedding night. "Please order it."

So this was only part of the pretense. Of course it was - what else had he expected?

Anthony rang the bell to order the breakfast. Edith wasn't making things easy for him, but of course she was right. It was the natural thing for a married couple to be found in the same bed the morning after their wedding. The less talked about them the better, he once again reminded himself. She was doing this for the child, and so was he. The little one was never to know that Anthony wasn't its real father. Anthony was just as anxious about that as Edith was, perhaps even more so.

"Are we to have a wedding trip?" Edith asked a little later. "It is customary."

"Of course! I'm sorry that I haven't thought about that. But this has all been rather unexpected..."

"I will need a bedroom of my own during the trip also", Edith said, careful not to get his hopes up. She wasn't in love with him any longer, but he was a kind man, and he had made a huge sacrifice for her. There was no reason to make this more difficult for him than necessary.

If he even wanted her that way. Edith wasn't at all sure that he did. After all he had been the first to talk about having a marriage in name only. And he had run away from their wedding, just a few hours before he was going to be with her in bed. Perhaps that was what made him leave her that day, perhaps he didn't feel attracted to her. He probably thought her as ugly as everyone else did. Everyone else except Michael...

"Of course you shall have your own bedroom", Anthony said. "There are usually two-bedroom-suites to be had at the hotels. Now, where do you want to go? What about Italy? Rome and Venice? Florence?"

"I would really_ love_ that!" Edith said with a happy smile that made it still more difficult for him to sit so close beside her when she had so little to cover her up. "I have always dreamt of going there!"

Anthony was relieved that there was a knock at their door in that very moment, and Bunter entered with the breakfast tray.

That is, he was relieved until he saw the look at Edith's face. A look that was so utterly satisfied that Anthony wished it had been a result of his own efforts in bed and not only a pretence to fool Bunter.

...

"I think our master and his wife have had a very nice wedding night", Bunter told Mrs Brown when he handed down the remains on the breakfast tray into the kitchen. "Judging from the way she smiled..."

Mrs Brown smiled from ear to ear. This was good news.

"I'm sure it was the oysters that did it", she said, confident in her own importance.

...

Three days later Edith and Anthony were on their way to Italy together.

Venice was the first stop on their wedding trip. The palaces, the canals, the gondolas. A city built on the water, unlike every city Edith had seen before. After that they visited Florence with the medieval Cathedral, Santa Maria del Fiore, the bell Tower and Ponte Veccio, the old bridge. Then, at last, they went to Rome. Rome, the center of the world, with all the ancient history, the Colosseum, the Forum Romanus, the Pantheon...

And in all the three cities there was the wonderful Italian food. They were both of them beginning to gain weight, Edith feeling noticeably wider at her waist - perhaps not only from the delicious food - and Anthony looking a little less skinny and more healthy after a week or two of Italian food. Italian food and the company of Edith.

They both enjoyed the food, but they enjoyed the Italian music even more. They went to concerts and the operas. It was a deep pleasure to hear some of their favourite music performed by the genuine Italian singers and musicians.

Anthony had a chance to use his rather good knowledge of Italian, ordering things for them, buying tickets, translating the lyrics of the songs to Edith. He really enjoyed being the husband, protecting her, fixing things for her, fussing over her.

_"Mio babbino caro",_ Edith asked after a Puccini concert they had been to. "Does that mean my beloved baby? The music is so beautiful and I thought about my child when I heard it."

"No, I'm afraid not", Anthony said with a smile. "It is really 'my beloved father'. She asks her father to let her marry the man she loves. Otherwise she will throw herself into the river. From the Ponte Veccio here in Florence, in fact, the bridge we saw earlier today. And there is no child involved."

"That's a pity", Edith said. "Well, perhaps I can think about the beloved father of my child when I hear it the next time."

Anthony didn't know if he should be happy or worried about that. Was she thinking about him, or about Gregson? He didn't dare to ask.

...

Anthony was happy about their expected baby. He didn't think he could have been any happier about it if it had been his biologically also.

He actually wondered why he didn't feel more jealous at Gregson for having had the pleasure of putting the baby in, so to speak. Because that was what he was supposed to be, wasn't it, jealous that someone else had made love to Edith. Especially since he wasn't allowed to do that himself and probably never would be.

But to Anthony's surprise - and also to his relief - he genuinely didn't care about that. Because he knew that Gregson could never appreciate sleeping with Edith the way Anthony would appreciate it himself, if she would ever let him do it. To Gregson women were just bodies to use. Anthony had heard him bragging often enough about a new conquest during the few months he had known him in London. Often Gregson was making fun of the women, thinking they were too easily fooled by all his insincere talk of love.

It was infuriating that Gregson had taken advantage of Edith, and Anthony felt sorry for her. But he couldn't envy Gregson.

Gregson didn't know anything about love, Anthony thought. He was too shallow to know anything about the deep connection between a man and a woman which was the foundation of all real love. The connection between two souls and not barely between two bodies. The connection that made that physical act so special and meaningful.

Anthony's first marriage had been very happy. The only thing missing was a child. Maud had been having many miscarriages before her life was finally ended when giving birth to their little son. Their son who had only lived for a few hours.

This second marriage would perhaps be quite the other way around. A child, but no physical love. But even if he would never be allowed to be with Edith that way, he was happy that they were at least friends again.

He knew there was no use in trying to seduce her. It would only appal her, show her that she couldn't trust him. He had accepted her rules, if the rules were to be changed, she was the one who ought to do it. All he could do was to make her life as pleasant as possible. Enjoy that he was at least allowed to live his life with her.

Because his life was so much better now than it had been during those last two years. This trip was wonderful, they were laughing together, getting to know each other, seeing so many interesting things. They were together all day and all evening, giving Anthony a chance to fuss as much as he liked over his pregnant young wife.

But they were still sleeping in separate bedrooms.

...

The Strallans were at the train station in Rome, on their way back after almost a month in Italy. Anthony was getting a newspaper while Edith was sitting on a bench, waiting for him to return to her.

It was then, suddenly, that Edith saw a familiar face in the crowd.

"Michael!" she called out, "What are you doing here?" She felt her heart skip a beat when she saw Michael Gregson. He could still do that to her, she thought. She really, really loved him! And what a relief it was to see him alive and well!

Everything was going to be alright, now that she had finally found him again.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for the many nice and friendly reviews!


	19. Michael Gregson - Again

Michael Gregson turned his head when Lady Edith called out his name at the railroad station in Rome. He gave her a quick glance of recognition before he collected himself and his features hardened into a mask.

"Sorry Madam, you must be mistaken. My name isn't Michael." He gave her a contemptuous look before he turned the other way and walked away.

She knew it was him, of course, why else should he have turned his head when she called out his name? And she had also seen that glimpse of recognition in his face.

...

"What happened?" Anthony asked worriedly when he came back to Edith a little later and saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Don't you feel well? You are not having contractions, I hope?"

Anthony remembered Maud's many early miscarriages. They had often started with tears and stomach pain.

"No, no, nothing like that", she sobbed, trying to wipe away her tears with the clean handkerchief Anthony had handed over to her. "I'm sorry. Someone just walked over my grave."

Edith was devastated. So that was what she had been to the man she had loved enough to risk her whole life and reputation! Nothing but a slut. To use and throw away.

"Do you want to tell me about it, dear?" Anthony asked. "You know I'll be happy to listen to anything you have to say."

At exactly that moment Edith felt her child stirring inside her belly for the very first time. The child whose father had just denied ever meeting her. She shivered at the thought.

But feeling her child's movement also reminded her of what was really important. Whatever her own feelings were, at least the little one would be protected, she thought. Protected and loved.

Because the _real_ father of her child was standing right beside her, worrying about her. The man who had been willing to give her everything to take care of her and her child. The man who was still insisting that _she_ was doing _him_ a favour through the arrangement. By helping him back into society again and making people forgive him. And by giving him a child.

He was the only man in the world who had ever truly loved her. He probably still loved her, with all her faults. In spite of the fact that she herself loved another man.

Edith felt quite a bit ashamed of herself. She gave Anthony a shy smile. She knew she wasn't over Michael Gregson yet. It would probably take some time, she had loved him so much, worried about him for so long. But when she did get over Michael, she very sincerely hoped that her old feelings for this much nicer man would return. And that he would still be there for her when they did.

And it was a good thing that Michael had changed his identity, she realised. He wouldn't have wanted her anyway. Not her, nor the child. She was also glad that she had met him like that, even though it had been quite a shock. She knew what she could expect from her life now. Michael Gregson would never come back into it.

"Or perhaps he just walked over his own", she muttered to herself. Anthony just looked at her, afraid of making her angry if he questioned her any further.

...

A couple of weeks after returning from their wedding trip Edith and Anthony spent some weeks in their house in London.

One day Edith went to see her new editor at The Sketch, Mr Johnson, and give him her latest article.

She asked Johnson when she was going to be paid for this column and the last five ones she had sent them. Johnson looked at her in bewilderment.

"Don't you remember that loan you got from the Sketch some months ago?" he asked. "You are supposed to pay it back with articles, the pay is subtracted from your loan."

"What!" Edith couldn't believe her ears. "I haven't borrowed any money from the Sketch!"

"But you have", Johnson said, taking out an all too familiar paper from a drawer. "Look here, isn't this your signature."

Last time Edith had seen that paper she hadn't bothered to read it through.

"I don't know what that paper is all about", she told her editor. "And I certainly haven't got any money because of it."

Johnson handed the paper to Edith. When Edith had read it through she was furious. It started in a very long-winded way with a description of the organisation of the Sketch and Michel Gregson's role in it. But it ended very clearly.

The last part of the paper, just above her signature, was a credit note of a very large sum, much more than Edith was getting for one article a week in five years.

...

If Edith had only read through the paper that night she would never have signed it. She would never have spent the night with Michael, she would have left in indignation. But he knew how much she trusted him. He had been taking advantage of her in more than one way.

But then again, she couldn't regret what she had done. If she only had read it through she would have no baby kicking in her belly. She would have no Anthony fussing about her and the little one. She wouldn't have seen Italy, at least not with Anthony.

With a feeling of surprise she realised that she was glad she hadn't read it. She was glad that she had let Michael seduce her. He could look down at her as much as he liked, it was his loss.

She made a very firm resolution to concentrate on her child and have a happy life with it. Her little Strallan child.

...

"You know that Mr Gregson has disappeared", Edith said, after thinking it all through. She didn't want to lie but neither did she want Anthony to have to pay more than he already had for her mistakes. "He probably was desperately in need of money... He certainly hasn't given me any. He must have forged my signature, I wouldn't put it past him."

Mr Johnson was quiet for a long time. He took a quick glance at Lady Edith's slightly protruding belly. He knew she was married now, happily so, judging from her early pregnancy.

He wondered if the rumours of an affair between Michel Gregson and her had been just rumours. Michael Gregson himself had come into the office in high spirits one morning just a few days before he disappeared. After making sure there were no women within earshot he had boasted about having spent the night in bed with Lady Edith Crawley. The daughter of Lord Grantham, he had been careful to point out.

"They think they are so high and mighty, but she was just like any other woman once she got her expensive clothes removed", he had said with a short laugh.

Johnson had believed it at the time, but now he thought the whole story was just one of Michael Gregson's many lies.

...

The cashier confirmed that he had given the money to Michael Gregson in person. Gregson had said that he was collecting the money for Lady Edith, that she hadn't had time to do it herself. The cashier had thought it was Edith's signature, it looked very much like it. And Michael Gregson was in charge. Even if he wasn't allowed to take money directly from the Sketch, he had the right to grant an advance payment to one of his writers, although this one was unusually large.

"He is a good forger, isn't he", Edith said. "It is not about the money, really, I'm sure my husband could afford to pay it. But I think I'm entitled to get paid for my work. I can swear to you I never got any money, apart from what I got for the things I wrote. And I don't like to be mistrusted. Mr Gregson has tricked you. I can see no reason for me to pay for your mistakes."

Mr Johnson was quiet for a long time, thinking it over. Michael Gregson was a scoundrel, there had been a lot to sort out after his disappearance, almost forcing The Sketch into bankruptcy. This was just another example of his many manipulations.

"So, shall I give you my new column, or do you want me to start writing for someone else?" Edith asked after a while.

"Of course not, we are very happy with your work! We don't want to lose you. I will see to it that you get paid for those last articles. And rip up this contract.

Then, to Edith's relief, he did just that, throwing the shreds of paper into the burning fire-place.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Many thanks for all the kind and interesting reviews!


	20. The Little One

When they returned from their wedding trip the Strallans started going out together. Sir Anthony and his wife got invitations to dinners and balls from his old friends and also from friends of the Crawleys and Edith.

It was getting more and more obvious now that Edith was expecting a baby. When left with the other men over the port and cigars, Anthony was getting some rather indecent questions about his young wife. He had always found that kind of questions a bit impertinent, but things being as they were between him and Edith made them even worse.

"She is wonderful", was all he answered, smiling his crooked smile, pretending not to want to go into any details that ought to stay between the two of them.

Which was, of course, exactly what he was doing.

...

The baby was born less than seven months after their wedding.

That night was one of the worst nights in Anthony's life. The only night that had been worse was the night when he lost his first wife and their newborn son.

The reason this night was not quite as bad was not that he worried less about Edith giving birth than he had done about Maud. The reason was that both Edith and their child survived. So the night ended in total happiness instead of utter grief.

Anthony was sure it was the happiest moment in his life when he saw his little daughter contentedly sucking at her mother's breast. Edith was all smiles and joy, forgetting all the pain for the happiness of being a mother.

...

"I want our daughter to be called Elizabeth. After my mother", Anthony said a couple of hours later. "If you don't mind, dear."

Edith was still in bed, holding her little sleeping daughter in her arms. They were alone in the room, the doctor and the nurse had left them and the relatives weren't going to come in until a couple of hours later.

"Well, that would be a little awkward.", Edith said. "Michael's wife, the one he told me was crazy, was called Elizabeth."

"Who cares", Anthony said, more irritated with Edith than he usually allowed himself to be. He had treaded lightly during their whole marriage, feeling that nothing he ever did for her would compensate for the humiliation he had put her through that day. But this was important.

"This is _my _daughter", he continued. "I want _my_ daughter to have my mother's name. It's only right that my eldest daughter should have that. Because I loved my mother very much. She was a wonderful person. I'm sure she would have loved you, and her little granddaughter. Even if she had known all the facts. Or perhaps even more if she had known them."

So the girl was called Elizabeth Cora, after her two grandmothers.

...

They say the road to a man's heart is through his stomach, and perhaps they are right. The road to a mother's heart is most definitely through her child.

Anthony's total acceptance of her little girl, his love for her, his happiness when he looked at her or played with her or carried her around was what finally melted the parts of Edith's heart that had been frozen for so long.

And acceptance wasn't quite the right word either. Adoration? Worship? No word covered it all. It was so obvious that little Elizabeth was the greatest miracle of her father's life.

Edith was watching from the doorway to the nursery how Anthony was playing peek-a-boo with their daughter some months after the child was born. Suddenly she felt her heart starting to beat faster at the sight of him. It was a feeling she had thought that she had buried forever when he deserted her.

He was so attractive when he laughed like that and wasn't at all aware that Edith was watching him.

She realised how much healthier and happier he looked than when she had seen him again almost a year ago. She wondered how she could ever have forgotten how handsome he was and what a wonderful smile he had. How he had filled her with desire all that time ago. How she had longed to touch him and be touched by him, how she had been unable to resist kissing his cheek, even when there were people around.

She stumbled back into the hallway and into her study, where she closed the door before she sat down. Her knees were all weak. All her old feelings were back. She loved him. She wanted him.

But she was still afraid that he didn't want her.

He was her husband now, so she decided to take him. Because _she_ hadn't promised not to touch _him_. _She _hadn't promised not to enter _his _bedroom. If he didn't want her, he could say so.

No, if he didn't want her, she was going to make him want her.

...

She made her move that evening, after changing into her nightgown. She went through the dressing room and opened the door to his bedroom without even knocking.

She found him sleeping on his back in bed, so she just got in beside him, laying down her head on his chest and holding her arms around him. She could hear his heart beat. He didn't wake up, so she soon fell asleep herself, warm and cosy as she was.

Early that morning, almost a year after their wedding, the marriage between Sir Anthony and Lady Edith Strallan was finally consummated. While the sun was getting up outside Locksley Edith seduced her husband, tenderly but firmly, quite determinately, giving him no chance to object or get away from her. She looked deep into his blue eyes, and kissed away all his worries and wonder. He had a feeling of unreality, that this wasn't really happening, although he could feel her hands on his body, her lips against his, her skin against his own. Then he just let it all go and allowed himself to be carried away. Giving himself up completely to the strange wonder of her.

No words were exchanged between the two of them, the only thing that could be heard in the room was their breathing getting heavier and their movements getting faster. Anthony started calling her _My sweet..._ but swallowed the rest, scared of offending her by saying the words he had promised never to utter again. After that he didn't dare to say another word. He didn't even dare to tell her how much he loved her. How much he had always loved her and how much he loved that she had finally allowed him in.

Anthony fell asleep again almost as soon as they were finished. When he woke up in the morning she wasn't there any longer, so he almost thought that he had dreamt it all. At the breakfast table Edith acted as if nothing had happened. During the day she was in the nursery with the baby, and when the baby was asleep she shut herself into her study, busy writing some article. But she had a smile on her face all that day, and especially when she looked at him. A smile that wasn't exactly like any other smile he had ever seen on her face before.

That night had been the second time Edith made love to a man, the second man she made love to and the second time she got pregnant. But she didn't know herself afterwards if she had really got pregnant that night. Because the next night she went to his room again, sleeping with her arms around him, and then again making love to him in the early hours of the morning.

The second night's love-making was as silent as the first. Anthony feared that Edith was only doing this because she wanted another child. But even so he told himself to enjoy it while it lasted. Especially since he would very much like to have another child himself.

Being Elizabeth's father was so wonderful.

...

The third night, when she came to his room, he was awake, waiting for her. He lit the lamp beside his bed and opened the covers for her to get in.

"I think we ought to talk about this, Edith", he said very softly. "Why are you suddenly doing this after all these months? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it, it is...well... it is...wonderful... But why, what has happened, what is different..."

She hesitated a few seconds feeling very much more shy than she ought to, considering how bold she had been those last few nights.

"I told you once that I would never make love to a man I didn't love", she said with a very small voice. "Do you remember?"

"Yes?" he said tentatively, fearing what would come next.

"I just want you to know that I haven't done that yet", she said then. "I love you Anthony. My feelings for you have come back. Stronger than ever, I think. And I am so happy about it. "

Anthony got tears in his eyes, hearing those words. Edith got tears in her eyes saying them.

"I love you too Edith", he said then, pressing her body against his own. "And I am so happy. I never expected this to happen when I married you, I was so certain I had destroyed it all."

"Perhaps you had, but not forever", she said. "You are such a good man, to me and to Elizabeth. Living with you all this time has been wonderful, and now I think it will become even better."

He thought for a short moment.

"Since we have broken one of your rules, perhaps you will allow me to break another?" he asked softly.

"Which one would that be?"

"I have longed to call you _my sweet one_. And _my dearest darling_. Because you are those things to me. You are my dearest, sweetest darling and have always been."

Edith just laughed, contentedly. Until he put his hand under her chin and his lips against hers and gave her other things to think about.

...

A couple of weeks later Edith told Anthony that she had only been with Michael Gregson one single night.

"Only one night?" he asked in disbelief. "And you got pregnant! You had very bad lu.."

"No!" she interrupted him. "You are completely wrong. I was lucky! I got Elizabeth! And I have also got you back! Sometimes a bad thing is exactly what leads to good things."

"Yes, you are right of course. We have both been lucky. To get Elizabeth and to get back to each other."

That was the last time Edith ever indicated to Anthony that he wasn't Elizabeth's father.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind reviews!

I changed this to T, to be on the safe side.

This is _not_ the same universe as my story The Tangled Web of Life, which is blissfully Gregson-free. But Anthony's mother Elizabeth is the same. No need - or time - to retell her story here! Only that she was also conceived but not born out-of-wedlock.

I at last watched 4:8 yesterday on Swedish television. There were a couple of conversations between Violet and Edith that don't really fit in with my first chapters here. But let's just say it took Violet some time to decide to tell Edith her secret.


	21. A Happy Life

Some month's later the Strallans were dining at Downton Abbey.

"We are expecting a new baby", Edith told everyone with a happy smile.

"Oh!" said Lady Violet. "I must say that comes as a surprise."

She was about to say that she hadn't thought that Edith would ever let Anthony anywhere near her. Or that Anthony was capable of doing those things with only one arm.

But she swallowed the rest in time, she wouldn't give Edith's secret away.

"I mean, so soon after Elizabeth", she said instead as an explanation. "She isn't even a year old yet."

The rest of the Crawleys congratulated them in a way that at least seemed genuine.

Cora especially expressed her happiness over another grandchild. Even Robert managed to look happy for them.

Tom and Anthony exchanged a look of male understanding. _So you got her then after all? I'm glad!_ Tom's look said.

...

When the news of Lady Edith Strallan's pregnancy reached Downton Church Reverend Travis was relieved. He had worried from time to time about performing a wedding that he knew the couple had no intention to consummate. Every time he got the slightest cold or headache he worried about what would happen to him after death.

But now he had nothing whatsoever to worry about regarding his relation to God. Because the wedding had obviously been consummated. This is what usually happens when a grown up man and a grown up woman who aren't related by blood ties live under the same roof for a long time, he thought.

Which was more often a problem than a blessing, of course. On his last assignment, before he came to Downton, Travis had listened to many a poor house maid or kitchen maid crying after having been made with child by her master or his sons. Who had of course no intention whatsoever to marry any of the girls.

...

In 1927, the year when little Violet Isobel Strallan was born, Elizabeth was four years old. Her brother Jonathan Robert, named after his two grandfathers, was two and a half.

Edith wasn't more than thirty-three years old when little Violet was born, but they had decided that she was going to be their last child. Edith wanted to keep on writing, and every new child made that more difficult. And Anthony was fifty-four at the time and good at mathematics. No one knows what happens in life, but at least he wanted to give all his children a fair chance to grow up and get established in life before they lost their father.

Edith and Anthony had agreed that more pregnancies and more children would hinder their love life a lot more than the not-very-romantic means of contraception did. Edith was strong, but not strong enough to have a new child every second year or so. If they didn't take any precautions they could possibly have gotten eight more children before she was fifty, in addition to the three they already had.

It was much less awkward to start using contraceptives then, when they knew each other so well. Edith had researched the subject thoroughly and even written an article about contraception. The article had caused quite a bit of a scandal and made Lord Grantham so upset that he refused to speak to his daughter for more than a month.

...

Lady Edith Strallan had worried from time to time that her daughter Elizabeth would grow up to be like Michael Gregson in her looks or her behaviour. But to Edith's relief there wasn't an ounce of him in their daughter, and when Elizabeth was about six years old her mother stopped worrying about it. The girl looked like a copy of her mother as a child, which perhaps made her father dote even more on her. In her behaviour Elizabeth was very much like her _real_ father. Timid, righteous, kind, gentle and generous.

...

Edith saw an advertisement in the paper one morning. It said that Mrs Elizabeth Gregson wanted her husband Michael Gregson to contact her lawyer if he was still alive. If there was no answer to this advertisement, Michael Gregson would be declared dead in two months' time. She was doing this on behalf of herself and their daughter.

There was really nothing that indicated that the woman was mentally ill, Edith thought. Or ever had been. She had probably only lived separated from Michael when Edith knew him.

Edith showed Anthony the paper. "Poor woman", she said. "I actually don't think he is dead, but I think it is good that he will be declared so."

"Why don't you think he is dead?" Anthony asked. "He has been gone for quite a long time."

Edith hesitated for a moment. She ought to have told Anthony this long ago.

"I saw him in Rome", she said at last. "At the railway station. I know it was him, though he pretended that he didn't recognise me. He said his name wasn't Michael. I'm sure he had planned his disappearance all from the start."

"Ah! That was the reason you cried. I wondered about that."

"Yes, I still loved him then. But he made it clear he didn't care a bit about me. Oh, how stupid I have been!"

"Love makes us all stupid", Anthony said very softly. "I left you when I knew you loved me, then I married you when I knew you didn't, all because of love. I have been a lot more lucky than I ever deserved."

"No, you haven't! You are the best man in the whole world! You deserve everything good you will ever get."

...

In 1931 Edith and Anthony went to Switzerland. Edith was going to write a series of articles about the country.

Anthony accompanied her to take the pictures. He had bought himself a new Leica that he was very proud of. He had constructed a special grip for it, that made it possible for him to both hold it and operate it safely with only one hand.

When they came to a little hotel in the Alps, they made a startling discovery. Anthony didn't really believe his eyes when he saw the man behind the counter, but Edith did.

She decided to stay a little extra at that hotel, and told Anthony to take a series of photographs that wouldn't be published in the paper.

...

When they came home and had got their pictures developed, Edith sorted out those of Violet's son, his wife, his children and his grandchildren. She put them into an envelope and went to see her granny.

Violet looked at the picture of her lost son in silence for a long, long time.

"He is remarkably like Robert, isn't he, considering they don't have the same father. I only saw him for two hours, but when I got Robert I thought he looked exactly like his elder brother. It felt like I had got my baby back."

Violet looked at the picture again.

"I thought I was only thinking that to comfort myself. But now I know that I was right all the time."

"I think you did the right thing in giving him away", Edith said softly. "I'm sure he is leading a happy life. We stayed there for two weeks and he was always so cheerful."

"I'm so glad you happened to go to that hotel", Violet said. "It makes me feel so much better to know he is OK. Now I can die in peace."

"Not for a long while yet, I hope", Edith said. "I'm also glad we happened to go there. And I think he is a very nice man. And a good family man, very tender to his children and grandchildren. You have all reason to be proud of him."

"Running a hotel - well imagine that! Perhaps Robert would have been better at that also", Violet said with a small chuckle.

...

AN: Thank you for reading. Thank you for all your kind reviews!

I don't know how missing people were declared dead at the time in England. But this is just a story, anyway. Only make-believe.

This was supposed to be the last chapter. But I'm saving a small piece for tomorrow, as a little Christmas Special.


	22. Epilouge, 1946

Lady Violet Crawley had managed to stay alive for more than ninety-nine years. She had outlived her husband with more than forty years. She had lived long enough to see a son-in-law, a grand-daughter and the husband of another grand-daughter pass away.

Not to mention all the wars...The last years she had wondered if it was really a curse or a blessing to have a long life. But at least little George and little Jonathan had gone unharmed when they were out serving their country...

...

No one lives forever, not even the Dowager Countess. Now she was sleeping peacefully in her grave, all passions spent.

...

Until he was seventy-five years old, Robert Crawley had lived a little closer to his mother than was perhaps healthy for a grown up man. But now she had left this world, and he finally had to grow up. He belonged to the oldest generation of his family now, there was no one left between him and death, which he found a little scaring.

...

Robert, his wife Cora and his sister Rosamund were sorting through Lady Violet's belongings after the funeral. Rosamund was looking through the very full drawers of their mother's old writing table. Papers, notes, letters. Telegrams, tickets, photographs. It would take time to sort it all out, but much of it could probably be thrown away immediately.

Rosamund sighed as she got up from the chair to go and pour herself a glass of water. She happened to put her hands down heavily on both sides of the table as she rose from her chair - she wasn't a young girl any longer, she needed something to lean on. Suddenly a secret compartment opened between two drawers on a part of the table that she had thought was merely ornamental. She cried out in surprise.

Robert and Cora got up from what they were doing and came up to her. There was nothing but an envelope with a thick bundle of photographs inside the secret drawer. What was it that their mother had wanted to hide so well?

"Oh Robert, what masquerade was this, I don't remember it", Rosamund said with a laugh when she had taken the photos out of the envelope and was looking at the one at the top. "What a silly hat!" A younger version of her brother, dressed in something that looked very much like a Tyrolese hat, was looking friendly at her from the picture.

Robert was bewildered. He didn't remember ever wearing that hat or any other of those clothes. But he must have done it, because there was no doubt that this was a photo of him.

"Do you remember that masquerade, Cora?" Rosamund asked. "Which year was it?"

Cora looked at the photo of Robert.

"That man isn't you, Robert", she said at once. "Can't you see it? He almost looks like your identical twin, but the ears are quite different. The mouth is a little different too, when you look at it closely, and so are the eyes."

Robert and Rosamund looked at each other in disbelief. There was only one conclusion to draw from all this. Their mother had a secret child. They had a brother they had never heard of.

The rest of the photos were depicting a number of totally unknown people, mainly children, sometimes together with the man on the first photo. They were all dressed in foreign clothes. Among the adults there was a woman who was looking slightly like Edith when she was a bit younger, but only slightly. Those people must be the family of the man on the first picture. His Swiss family.

Rosamund thought about how she had planned to take Edith to Switzerland many years before. In the end it hadn't been necessary.

Edith's marriage to Sir Anthony had turned out to be very happy, against all odds. Anthony was as proud of Elizabeth, his eldest daughter, as he was of his other two children. Rosamund had never seen a prouder father leading his beautiful daughter down the aisle to her waiting groom than Anthony had been half a year earlier. And now Elizabeth was expecting Anthony's and Edith's first grandchild...

The secret had been safe with Rosamund for all these years and she had every intention to let it stay that way.

...

Cora laughed, with a new feeling of respect for her late mother-in-law.

"Well, your mother once said that _One way or another, everyone goes down the aisle with half the story hidden_", Cora said.

She was quiet for a moment.

"I didn't know then that she was talking about herself", Cora added. "I'm sure we would have got along better if I had known that."

...

AN: This is my little "julklapp" to you all. Which I give you on Christmas Eve, as we do in Sweden. (_julklapp_=christmas gift).

Sorry about this - nothing about Christmas, and someone had to die - but this is Downton Abbey!

...

Happy Holiday! Merry Christmas!

God Jul!

...

Thank you all for reading! And thank you very, very, very much for all the kind and interesting comments to every chapter of this story. I have appreciated them all so very much! They have made it all that more fun writing!

...

I sincerely hope that Edith doesn't have to give away her child in the Christmas Special, which is sent here in Sweden on the 28th of December. But I'm afraid she will. So I'm happy that I have at least managed to save it here. For a good life with the best father ever.


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